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The Focusing Illusion: How It Distorts Your Daily Life

Viewed as “Most Important” Concept to Recognize in Daily Life

Deceptive Illusion Do you like being deceived? You know, being led to believe one thing… but reality is quite different?

Pardon my French, but h*!ll no.

As bad as that is, it gets worse. Not only are you being fooled, what if I told you there is something in our human wiring that causes us to be fooled again and again by this same illusion?

Worse still, this illusion often leads to unnecessary stress, anxiety, frustration, fear and many other negative emotions.

If you can recognize this deception and counteract it, your life will have … lower stress and anxiety, plus greater peace and hopefulness. (more…)

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Self-Awareness, Blind Spots & the Johari Window

5 Ways to Better Understand Yourself, and Grow

If you were an executive coach who interacted with
thousands of clients over 30 years…                                                        

… you would probably see certain characteristics emerging over and over that were “make or break” qualities in one’s success.

Dave Yarnes is just such a coach.

One of the qualities he noticed in countless individuals that seriously limited (or accelerated) their ability to succeed:

Self-Awareness – Understanding and addressing who you really are, and how you come across to others (but you can’t see)… yet everyone else can see.

In fact, this quality of “self-awareness” is so crucial that researcher Dr. Tasha Eurich called it, “The Most Important Skill of the 21st Century.”

(more…)

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Making Better Decisions: Try This Shrewd Technique Used By Jeff Bezos

Founder Of Amazon Uses This To Clarify The Best Option

Make better decisions like Amazon founderMaking better decisions isn’t always easy (is that a Captain Obvious statement, or what?).

The best decision makers go to their decision making “tool kit” and try out different tools to see if one or more helps clarify which way they should go.

There was a particular tool (I’ll call it a technique) used by Amazon.com founder Jeff Bezos when he was trying to determine if he should start Amazon in the first place.

When Bezos used this technique, things became very clear about what he should do. In fact, he found it so helpful, that he has continued to use it regularly for decisions big and small. (more…)

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3 Proven Ways to Boost Your Daily Joy (Research-Backed)

How Your Mood Can Be Less Circumstance Dependent

Circumstance protected joyI have a dream. I’ll bet you share it, too.

I have a dream that I could get to the place where I could experience a deep, sustaining joy… every day.

The kind of joy that isn’t touched by the challenges and storms of life.

Now, I am not naïve. There is no such thing as a happy pill that will make life all sunshine and smiles. I know that life can be difficult. I know the impact of circumstances will affect me until the day I die.

But, wouldn’t it be great if we were able to increase the frequency and experience of the “good days” and decrease the impact of the “bad days”?

Good news! There is. (more…)

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The Curse of Knowledge & Misunderstandings

This bizarre communication dynamic can cause much frustration

Has this ever happened to you?

Someone is telling you something…
and you ask a clarifying question to make
sure you are tracking with them.

“Are you saying this? Or that?”

Then, they seem to get impatient with you,
and send you (verbally or non-verbally) a
dummy message.

It can be a slight head shake or a sigh/huff, or just an incredulous look of “Is being stupid your profession, or are you just gifted?” Any way they communicate it, the message is clear: they think you’re an idiot.

There is no doubt being on the receiving end of an “idiot” message is painful. I hate it.

Now, let’s be honest. I think we have all been on the sending side of a dummy message, too. I know I have. Too often I can get impatient with people who don’t understand what I am saying.

Here’s the thing: if you understood the WHY behind that impatient reaction (theirs and yours), you wouldn’t do it to others as often. Plus, when they do it to you, you wouldn’t take it personally because you know what’s going on.

It all has to do with what researchers call The Curse of Knowledge.

I’ll admit, when I learned about it, I was both astonished and perhaps for the first time understood why humans so easily and often misunderstand each other.

(more…)

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Positivity Downside: What Helps You Can Hurt Others

How a Positive Attitude Nearly Ruined My Close Relationships

Do you have a positive outlook on life?

Having a positive attitude can make a
HUGE difference in the quality of your life.

  • Greater energy with less stress
  • Better health and longer life
  • Greater feelings of well-being
  • Higher levels of success

It’s all good, right? Well, for all the good a positive outlook can have on YOUR life, it can potentially hurt others.

What?

Yep, it’s true. In fact, MY positive attitude nearly ruined my marriage (although I couldn’t see it at the time).

It’s that serious.

Read on to learn what many (most?) people are unwittingly doing to damage their personal relationships at home, work and school.

(more…)

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Secure Confidence: 10 Attractive Qualities to Die For

Possessing these can dramatically improve your life

Have you noticed how bad it has gotten ‘out there’
in the real world?

  • People quickly and frequently criticize and           
    even mock     other people’s ideas without
    giving them a fair hearing.
  • Personal attacks on one’s intelligence (‘What
    an idiot!…’), a person’s looks, body type, and
    more.
  • People playing it safe rather than doing
    anything that exposes them to the verbal and
    non-verbal critiquing of others, or God-forbid…
    actually failing in front of others.
  • People making CYA and managing one’s image the go-to strategy for life.

Let’s face it… it is hard to operate in this type of toxic environment without getting banged up and living in self-protect mode.

Yet, there is a select breed of people out there (you’ve seen ‘em) who navigate the noxious climate at work, school, business and family with grace, humility and freedom. They seem unruffled and non-CYA in the arrows flying, stone throwing world in which we live.

How are they so impervious to the toxic barbs flying around?

(more…)

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Quiet Confidence: 7 Compelling Benefits You’ll Want

This growable quality leads to a richer life

Some of the most admired, magnetic and attractive people in this world share this powerful trait: a healthy form of self-confidence.

No, I’m not talking about an ego-fueled “I’m always right, I’m so awesome, you’re an idiot if you don’t listen to me” type of confidence in self. That is actually a sign you are insecure.

Instead, I am talking about men and women who have
a quiet poise and self-assurance about who they are
and what they have to do… while being free from
self-promotion and ego.

I want to be more like that… don’t you?

Fortunately, this type of quiet self-confidence can be strengthened in you. Keep reading to learn how you can grow this quality in your life.

But first, just in case you doubt whether it is worth the effort to cultivate this quality, here are 7 desirable advantages that come from possessing this healthy form of self-confidence.

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Doubt Yourself & Impostor Syndrome: a Global Problem

Learn 3 Ways to Silence the Doubting Voices

“I don’t know what I’m doing”
“I’m out of my league”
“I don’t belong here”
“If others really knew how incompetent I am…”

We ALL have doubting
thoughts at times about
our competence and value.

But here’s the crazy thing: even the people we admire the most, who seem to have it together  and who really are smart and competent… they too struggle with doubts about themselves.

It’s called Impostor’s Syndrome.

A collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Impostors suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.

We are not talking about incompetent people being afraid of being found out. Many of the most competent people you can imagine struggle with self-doubt.

For example…

“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” – Albert Einstein

Researchers have estimated that up to 70% of the population has experienced the feelings associated with Impostor Syndrome.

I think the problem of self-doubt in general (impostor syndrome being one expression) is a more pervasive problem. I think it is safe to say that 100% of every living, breathing human struggles at times and in certain contexts with the doubting voices.

For example, Mike Cannon-Brookes, the co-founder of Atlassian (a global company with thousands of employees that provides a product used by millions), says…

“Most days, I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

Why do we often experience self-doubt… even when we have no logical reason to be?

More importantly, how can we quiet the doubting thoughts and legitimately feel better about ourselves?

(more…)

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Slow Down: Hurry is Silently Ruining the Life You Want

Here are 10 Ways You Can Reduce Feeling Hurried & Regain Control

 

“I wanted to figure out how to make my life less hectic,
but I never seemed to have enough time to do it.”

Slow down from hurryAre you feeling it? Are you tired of it?

I’m talking about the hectic pace of life. Too much to do… and never enough time. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Can’t slow down.

Research has now revealed a disturbing dark side to all this go, go, go… even beyond the physical toll it takes.

In fact, the effects of busyness are actually MUCH WORSE than you think … if you desire a life of greater impact and significance.

Here’s why: It is actually preventing you from living the life you really want.

But, the good news is there are ways to reduce the negative effects. Over the last year I have been experimenting with ways to get off the crazy ride of busyness. I am encouraged by what I have discovered.

Ready to get off the crazy ride? Read on.

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